


Kissing

by therapychicken



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: (sort of), Between Seasons/Series, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Missing Scene, Post-Season/Series 05, Pre-Season/Series 06, just David and Patrick being happy and domestic, literally that's it, more like Domesticity Porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:53:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24608737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therapychicken/pseuds/therapychicken
Summary: Alexis wants to know why David and Patrick don't kiss anymore.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 7
Kudos: 137





	Kissing

**Author's Note:**

> This is a quick exercise I did to get myself back in the zone to continue my WIP. I saw the term "domesticity porn" used somewhere and loved it, so that's what this is. This is also probably shorter than literally any piece of fiction I've ever written, as I've tried to tone down on commentary and let the scene speak for itself- hopefully it works. 
> 
> This piece is also inspired by the fact that the little kiss-hug sequence they started in S5 is the most adorable shit I have ever seen on TV.
> 
> Any subtext about Ted and Alexis's relationship here is entirely intentional and I don't apologize for it.
> 
> Also, I'd like to use my platform here to request that someone write a 50k+ word fic about how Rose Apothecary actually makes money because David and Patrick sell "Mr Hockley's tea" out of the back room, and I'd like it to be called Breaking Schitt, please and thank you.

"Why do you and Patrick never kiss?"

David whirled his head around. Alexis was sitting on her bed, a half-filled carry-on suitcase open and wrinkling the duvet cover, gauzy dresses fallen limp over the edges. Alexis's back was to the suitcase as though it didn't exist, and instead she was looking at her phone. 

"Um, excuse me?" 

"I'm pretty sure I was clear the first time, David, I was just _wondering_ why you and Patrick never kiss anymore." Alexis was scrolling frantically through something on her phone.

"Patrick and I totally kiss. We kiss all the time." 

Before David could manage to find the right words to express the amount of "what the fuck" that was buzzing through his mind, Alexis jumped up off the bed and shoved her phone in his face. "Ugh, David, I mean like this." She waved the phone in front of him. "You guys don't kiss."

David grabbed the phone from Alexis and focused it in front of him. It was her Instagram, showing a photo of him and Patrick from closing night of Cabaret, the night before. That night, instead of watching from the audience, David had snuck out to the wings after intermission and waited to be able to give Patrick an impeccably arranged bouquet of flowers as soon as he'd taken his final bow. Patrick had been stunned smiling, and David had been grinning like an idiot, and- well, it had just been a really nice moment, and until this very second that Alexis waved the photo in his face David hadn't realized that there had been anything _wrong_ with it. 

"So we're hugging," David said flatly. "We kissed also, and then we hugged. This just happens to be a picture of us hugging." 

"Yeah, but it was like this teensy little peck, this little nothing of a kiss, and honestly it was kind of weird? Like, after opening night, Ted and I made out for a solid ten minutes and it was pretty spectacular, if I do say so myself." 

She preened a bit, and David gave an involuntary shudder. "Ew, thanks so much." 

"What I mean _is,_ David, that I just want to make sure that you guys aren't losing the _passion_ in your relationship. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you have to lose all of your spice!" Alexis made a kissy-face, and let out a little "mwah" noise; David was revolted. "I mean, I know that most couples, once they settle down and get married and start losing their hair-" David was proud of the fact that his hand didn't even _twitch_ toward his hairline, no matter how hopefully Alexis waited- "they end up with these dead bedrooms or whatever, and I'd just hate to think that that would happen to my own brother."

"Well, thank you for your concern, Alexis, but I am pretty sure that Patrick and I will be okay. We are very happy, and we have plenty of- of _spice,_ though please never say anything like that again, and if you don't mind giving me my anti-redness serum that I know you packed with you to bring to the fucking Galapagos, then I will be on my way to his apartment and we will be just as spicy as we want to be, thank you very much."

With a huff, Alexis began to dig into the bottom of her case and pulled out a bottle that she tossed at him. "I'm going to be there for _months_ , David, and I don't think that Amazon ships there if I run out of mine, so maybe it would have been nice if you could let me have this one thing. Have fun at Patrick's and don't forget to bring one of the magazines from the lobby so that you can make sure you guys are a zippy little electric storm like Ted and me!" 

"Fuck you very much and have a good night!" Picking up the bottle, David walked out of the room perhaps in a bit more of a huff than was warranted under the circumstances. Uncharacteristically, Alexis didn't respond. 

**

"Do you think we should kiss more?" 

David had just let himself into the apartment, brushing past Patrick as he washed the pot from cooking dinner, which was plated for them on the table with a bottle of the good red wine from the store in the middle. It smelled heavenly. David had brushed a kiss on Patrick's cheek (exactly in sync with Patrick turning his head toward him) and immediately had the thought, and then just as immediately regretted asking. 

"Kiss more? Yeah, sure, we should totally kiss more, great idea." And Patrick was leaning toward him with intent, and David wouldn't say no to that, but then as their lips touched there was a massive growl from David's stomach. It was like a switch turned off- they both laughed; Patrick said, "I see we're deferring that particular suggestion for now," and they headed to the table, Patrick grabbing a plate of garlic bread off the counter on the way. 

They sat down to eat, and there were a few contented minutes of cutlery clinking and mouths chewing and at one point maybe a tiny burp that David did his best to disavow. As David twirled his pasta, he said, almost dreamily, head muzzy from good food and wine on an empty stomach, "do you think we need more spice?"

Patrick chewed thoughtfully. "Well, now that you mention it, maybe some red pepper flakes might give the sauce a bit more zing." 

"Hmmm. Zing." 

Some more chewing, and Patrick said, "actually, I think it kind of works the way it is now. I don't want it overpowering the parmesan, you know what I'm saying?" 

The only thing that David knew of what he was saying was that the food he was currently eating was delicious, so he nodded vigorously. 

After dinner, Patrick sat on the couch and watched a sports game as David washed the dishes (and rewashed the pot that Patrick had done earlier). When he was done, David took off his rubber gloves and headed off to join Patrick on the couch, laptop in hand, ready to track what was going on with his eBay bid for some culottes he had his eye on. As he sat next to Patrick, his mouth was at a level with Patrick's hairline right above his ear, so he kissed it as Patrick snuggled in next to him. 

The clock was still ticking on the culotte auction with bidding at a standstill, and there was a commercial for a used car dealership on TV, but the two of them were just sitting, quiet, intermingled with each other, and it was like David could hear his and Patrick's heartbeats in sync. 

Quickly, without thinking, David said, "Alexis said we barely kiss anymore and hug instead and that's weird."

Patrick cocked his head up at David without moving his body out of its neat little groove alongside David's, thank god. "We totally kiss. Does she want to know how much we kiss?" He waggled his eyebrows.

David snorted. "Honestly, she probably would want to know at least a little bit more than I'd ever want to tell her. But it was like she thought the fact that we hug instead of, like, making out is weird." 

"Is it a problem for you?" Patrick was still looking at him in that same relaxed way, curled in alongside him.

The answer was easy. "No. I like this." 

Patrick smiled and turned back to the TV like there had never been any doubt, and the thing was that there hadn't been. The sports game had turned back on from commercial, and some internet person had just outbid him on the culottes and now David had to decide whether he was willing to go above $79, now that he had a wedding to plan.


End file.
